To Burners coming to Black Rock City for the first time in a romantic relationship,
You already know that Burning Man is a harsh environment — it’s hot as hell, there’s little natural life to be found, and a bad dust storm can wipe you out. But perhaps less known is that Burning Man is tough on relationships, in particular the romantic kind. In fact, the Burning Man website takes this seriously enough to offer a Relationship Survival Guide. But never fear — there are ways you can prepare yourself and your partner to make sure Burning Man is the best possible experience for each of you, your relationship, and for whatever group you are camping with.
Burning Man is like traveling to a different country (even for Americans) — you’re there for a limited time, and you will want to get the full experience, and you might even feel resentment at missing out on the things you want to do. There are many personal experiences to be had on the playa, and journeying alone can be equally as rewarding as exploring together.
We all go to Burning Man with certain expectations. The best thing you can do is share these with your partner honestly and thoroughly. “I want to feel free and go on unscheduled adventures” or “I want to look at lots of art and talk about it with you” needs to be said before you go. One approach is to designate which days you and your partner will meander together and which days you will do your own thing.
As you know, you and your partner are different people, and your desires inevitably conflict at certain times. Being on the same page before you get to the Burn is crucial. This means open, honest conversation beforehand about your needs from each other. Telling your partner “I need you to help me cook a meal every day” or “I need you to help me socialize with this new camp” will go a long way once you get to the Burn.
If you have any anxiety about the Burn, share it. Maybe you are nervous about the gravity of intoxicated people sucking you in, or the hundreds of hot, sweaty Burners biking across the playa. Just tell your partner so they know to be sensitive when certain situations arise.
If you are camping with a large camp, you are entering an intimate, emotionally sensitive community of people. Camps often cook, eat, party and go out together, and this experience creates intense bonds. In camp, your tents will be right next to each other. Everyone is able to hear everything in each other’s tents above a small whisper (this includes overhearing exciting sexcapades!). The camp trusts everyone else to bring conscientious, generous, and fun people into their close quarters, and difficult campmates have a really negative effect on the camp.
If you and your partner are fighting, in consistently bad moods, or have tension between you, it will keep you from connecting with campmates, it will detract from everyone’s experience, and it will reflect poorly on you and whoever brought you into the camp. It’s an intense environment, so if you do feel a squabble arising, keep it super quiet, go your separate ways to cool off, or have your full blown fight away from humanity in deep playa.
You both have to physically, mentally and emotionally plan ahead for the Burn. Make sure you can come together on common expectations and be okay with different needs and desires. You can have a fun, amazing time together if you come in with the right mindset, generous intentions, and with open hearts.
By Guest Post