Burning Man jokes cut from Obama’s speech

President Obama dropped a Burning Man joke at this past weekend’s White House Correspondent’s Dinner.

But of course that was just one of many Burning Man jokes he and his writers considered.  An inside source has released all of the Burning Man jokes that were cut from Obama’s speech.

 

  • Does anybody know why I keep being served Chaco Tacos? Who orders these things?
  • These days it’s harder to get into Burning Man than it is get onto the Supreme Court!
  • If I’d had a Democratic congress, we wouldn’t have had to cut 3 of the 10 Principles.
  • Marco Rubio, remember him? Still looking for Robot Heart.
  • CNN is the only news network to Leave No Trace.
  • I tell my foreign policy team: it helps if you think of Russia as a giant theme camp.
  • We’ve determined that Critical Tits is Too Big To Fail
  • That Danger Ranger – amiright?
  • The Secret Service has spent 8 years concealing the fact that Joe Biden is a shirtcocker.   This one time, at a meeting with the Dalai Lama … wait I’ve said too much.
  • It took the military $10 million, but Air Force One is now a mutant vehicle. Your DMV’s stricter than mine!
  • Speaking of Burning Man, Grover Norquist is here tonight. Grover: there are pictures. Need I say more?
  • I hear the art at Burning Man has just gotten more and more amazing. Ted Cruz went last year, and people said he almost looked human.
  • Of course, given the current political climate, one of the 10 Principles had to be changed to “Leave No Trump.”
  • If Donald Trump is elected, he promised to raise the trash fence around Burning Man to 20 feet high… and that Mexico will pay for it.
  • Burning Man is thinking of adding “Consent” to it’s 10 Principles, but if they follow the Senate’s “Advise & Consent” model, nobody will ever get laid.
  • Last year, Burning Man had a ‘Bear Stearns’ theme camp. It wasn’t what you think
  • Ladies and Gentlemen, your next performer: Dr. Megavolt!

About the author: Caveat Magister

Caveat Magister

A member of the Burning Man Project's Philosophical Center, Caveat served as the Volunteer Coordinator for Media Mecca from 2008 - 2013. He is presently working with Burning Man's education department on a cultural studies curriculum for Burning Man culture. Caveat is the author of the short story collection A Guide to Bars and Nightlife in the Sacred City, which has nothing to do with Burning Man. He has finally got his email address caveat (at) burningman (dot) org working again. He tweets, occasionally, as @BenjaminWachs

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